Thinking of You
Thinking of You
I really don’t know why on Earth I got this e-mail this morning from people I don’t know. It doesn’t appear to be a marketing e-mail, just wrongly directed. A wrecked relationship, told in detail. After, see the exchange below with my friend Jeffrey Spencer.
SUBJECT: Thinking of you this morning
From the moment you suggested that I had stolen from you, I was shocked… but emotion be damned…
I laid myself bare to you… it soon became obvious that I could not convince you of my innocence and commitment by tracking back over our history, reminding you that every cent that I made over the years always went into our joint account… (accounts which we agreed you would manage) that I worked all over this State like a slave and with very difficult people for the benefit of our household… (the finances of which we agreed you would manage)... when all of conversations failed to get you to see that I am the last person who would have destabilized our household… I called several polygraphers and asked that you select which ever one you were comfortable with… or that you find one yourself, and I would allow myself to be questioned however you’d like… that I would take a polygraph.
Prior to this, I reminded you that ALL banking phone calls are recorded, and that there had to be several record/s of funds being moved… that such records are archived for years and years… You have never been able to get the bank to provide you with full, closed loop information… at one point you told me that the bank took it upon themselves to divide 2 accounts into 5 accounts… but they only gave you statements on 4 of the 5… how you allowed them to say this to you is unfathomable, given the circumstances. I never moved monies around with eTrade Bank… you did, I never moved monies around with Charles Schwab… you did. My Baird Account, which I had when I met you, was closed due to my failure to maintain the required balance level… why did I fail to do this?... because of focusing on you and our household… because we had begun to pool our financial resources into one joint account or another. I believe you eventually allowed your focus to drift into useless expenditures of mental gray matter… that you failed to maintain the proper vigilance and oversight on our accounts. Then one day you come to me and declare that a huge block of money is missing from eTrade… I responded exactly as you expected me to… you know how I respond to issues like this because you have many times told me that because of your ability to anticipate my responses, based on my history, you would surreptitiously drop hot household issues on me, knowing exactly how I would react ... that I could/would write scathing letters, that many matters were resolved as a result of Brian’s predictable handling of things.
The only way I know how and in the only way that works for me… I blew up, and was on the phone with that bank within 30 seconds of you saying this to me. As I interrogated the Manager of Customer Service… I was suddenly told that because my name was on only 2 of the now 5 accounts… they could not continue to answer my questions as to the genesis, funding levels and day by day activity on these accounts. I immediately turned to you and demanded that you get on the other phone line with me, authorize them to continue talking to me and answering all questions surrounding these accounts. You failed to do so… instead you spoke of hiring a forensic accountant… my view is, this is fine if necessary… but exhaust one avenue before starting down another… especially one that is going to be as costly as hiring such an accountant.
I have no history of trying to destablize our household… none.. however, you have a right to your beliefs… but that doesn’t make them right.
Everytime I read you your letter I wonder why you keep sending me this hogwash…You left this relationship a long time ago and yet you want everyone to believe that there is some big love affair. When the truth of the matter is YOU WISH I WAS DEAD…This AND ALL THE OTHER LETTERS YOU HAVE WRITTEN IS PROPAGANDA GOOD PR…You tend to write these things when you are planning to murder me ...Here I am 40ish years old and I am being face to deal with all theses very bad things…I spent my entire life always putting others in front of me doing this doing that for others. I have searched my life to see if I deserve any of this. I cannot seem to find an answer.
I never wanted to come back to Los Angeles but I was summoned here. I worked and I worked and eventually found it impossible to work and keep on eye on Ms. XXXX. I never wanted the responsibilities but It was clear that I had to step in. My brother was addicted to drugs thanks largely to Joe XXXXXXX, was of no help most of the time. My sister was busy running after a man that did not want her. It was sad for me to see my sister leave at 8 am in the morning leave ms Scott with very little for breakfast and than return home with bill at 6 or 7. My Aunt would be left without food for hours at a time. A diabetic should not be left in situations like that. It was no wonder that she was in a diabetic state when I returned to Los Angeles. I tried to do the right thing but I was sabotaged. I look around and all the things that did investment was a failure.
My failures were all a delight to you, you would come to me and say thing were my fought in one way or another. For six years you never did anything to help me you had the word foreclosure on your mouth the day we were signing papers to move in. When I look back now all I can think about all the ways you set me up. We should not have to think about someone stealing from your partner. But when you look at all that has happen that coupled with the evidences that is what you did. You not only stole you now want to killed me because you do not want people to know about it..Its also clear that you have not only stolen but you have blackmailed my friend Dave, Intimated my friend Kathleen, and forced my aunt to sell you her house at some ridicules price. It is also clear that you have been stealing from me sine day one. YOU ARE REALLY A HORRIBLE PERSON. You left me without food at time you turned my water off, you had me thrown in a mental place you did it all and you put me into foreclosure on my house. I also think it is inserting that everything that I had you wanted, my watch, my overcoat, and my car and money..You have it all..You are not satisfied until you murder me. People like you rarely get to do all these things and get off Scott free and you will be no exception. You make be in Atlanta now but it will all come out…!!!!!
After forwarding it to friend Jeffrey Spencer, he replies:
It’s like a scene in WINGS OF DESIRE where the angel sees all the torment and horror of human affairs in an agonizing montage.
P.S. I find human beings unbearable. If I had done a film like Wenders’, I would have had two harried, overworked, demoralized angels thanking God every day they were angels and not human, and praying for forbearance in dealing with such short-sighted, egomaniacal, and perverted creatures! The film would have been a catalog of human foibles and depravity with the clear message that such unbearable unregenerates really didn’t deserve redemption because they were so selfish, thoughtless, and wicked—-but—-they get it anyway. Thus, instead of making humanity the measure of being as Wenders did, I would have the divine be the measure of man—-as unpopular as this paradoxically is these days!
Then I reply:
It’s fairly easy for your angels to adjudge us poor mortals. They don’t have the limited time frame we do in which to navigate the mucky waters of corporeal life. Our mortality drives us to be so short-sighted, I think. It takes some people longer than a lifetime to realize their folly; others can manage a little better, but everyone is limited by the clock. The closer we get to our end, the wider the divide between those of us wise enough to clean up our messes and make right and those of us who only dig our heels back into denial and self-will.
These people in the e-mail represent my worst nightmare.
Did you recently see Wender’s film? I’ll have to watch it again. Only saw it once.
Jeffrey Spencer replies:
Lucky for you, I have the copies on tape I made off of HBO or whatever. Saw the films in London with Andrea and later on TV in U.S. I will have to dig through my huge video collection to find them. While I am at it I can get anything else which interests you. Gimme a wants list. I was quite impressed with them in the mid-‘90’s when I was still a Humanist. Now I think they are beautiful, heartfelt, and silly buggers!
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You’re currently reading “Thinking of You,” an entry on shadows+clouds
- 04.25.06 / 4pm