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Dear Kraut Midget

democratization has now made the superman impossible.
The bar has been set too low and people are too
motherfucking lazy to ever achieve anything outside of
writing dumbfuck letters such as yours.  But I guess
maybe you’re lucky in some ways since you’re
presumably alive and sane whereas, as you rightly
point out, I’m deader than a fucking doornail and out
of my mind to boot.  I mean the syphillis didn’t help
things much but I pushed myself a little too hard
trying to
be Zarathustra.  Who’s he, you ask?  Only a
replacement for Jesus Christ!  Anyway, this is all to
tell you I can’t get you a copy of that first Superman
and, since he never really existed, I’m afraid I can’t
tell you what he looked like a hundred years
ago,either.  Thanks for writing.

Dear Kraut Midget:

My balls are the size of raisins.  I have no courage,
no drive, I’m completely pussywhipped.  My friends
are all exactly the same way.  What’s wrong with us? 
Why are all we such no-account pussy boys? 

Dickless Wonder

Dear Dickless: 

You are the victim of a complex historical process. 
Once upon a time you would have killed animals with
your bare hands and fed the meat to a large tribe of
children sired among many different wives, all of whom
would have adored you for your manly prowess.  Alas,
those days are no more.  Technology has increasingly
rendered the genders more and more alike (I warned you
people about that shit!) so that, by now, your
testosterone is no longer much of an asset in terms of
alluring the fair sex—girls are too threatened by
that these days.  It really doesn’t matter, anyway,
since, in about twenty years, babies will all be put
together in test tubes and grown in aquariums.  I mean
you’ve listened to Radiohead, right?  And, actually,
I bet Thom Yorke gets more pussy than the entire NFL
put together and Michael Stipe would, too, if he
played that side of the mattress.  So don’t fret
about being a dickless wonder.  You’re right on time,

Posted at 4am on 11/05/2004 | comments are closed Filed Under: Under the Lens

"The sleep of reason
brings forth monsters."

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